Have you noticed, I've been MIA?

I am sorry for my lack of posts, but I promise... I have a good excuse. 

We have something to share with you:


                 
      
As many know, this isn’t an easy road for us. This is my 10th pregnancy. We gave up 3+ years ago trying to grow our family.

God's timing is unbelievable. The puzzle pieces that we didn’t even realize were being placed that fit into this to be a successful pregnancy, and continue to be, are truly amazing. (Turns out a global pandemic makes it so much easier to be laid upon your death bed since you have nowhere to go. PS I’m doing so much better.) 

We know some may be hurt they are just now finding out about this. Please understand our hearts. This is a difficult road to navigate alone and even more difficult with others. You see, the second loss.. it's sad. The third time, people are worried about you. Four times, they pity you.. beyond...we were just tired of letting people down. And them feeling our pain, too. So we hope you understand. 

Brandon was finally able to come to an appt and as soon as the screen lit, he teared up. I laid there and even though it had been 20 weeks, it felt so real for the first time. I felt like I was proving to someone that “hey! There is a real baby..ALIVE.. in my stomach. I’m doing it this time. See! We are doing it” Brandon, has been on this journey mourning right along with me. And my biggest part of healing was the amount of guilt I held that I was not only crushing my dreams of our family, but his too. Because of my body, I have put a lot of sadness on his face. And I can not tell you the feeling in the accurate words, that I had seeing his face in that room. Watching our baby (BOY!!) On that screen (sucking his big toe ) His face I will remember the rest of my life. I swear he actually floated out of that office that day. 

As we share this we recognize others that have hurt alongside us on their journey. We know many of you are still waiting, and we pray knowing what we have walked through, you will still rejoice along with us, but we know all to well that can be difficult. We know your pain, we see you, and we hope our news will give you a sort of hope, that there may be more to your story, too. 
There has been a hole in our hearts for so so long. A hole, we thought would never be filled, that is now feeling so whole. We can’t wait to hold him in our arms in December!