I am here!
 You all are so lovely for all the comments, tweets & emails; I really don't know what I do to deserve such encouraging people that care about my family!
Let start with Wednesday shall we?
The day of my appt
I get there & the receptionist remembers me & we chat, & ooo & aww over kennedys pictures
{brandon stayed home with kennedy & the little girl I babysit, it would have been hard with them both there}
After we cut the chit-chat it was time for paperwork
I got asked nearly 10 xs either by mouth or paper
"# of prengnancies"
....
"4"
I hadn't said it outloud & each time it was like bullet
I had a the receptionist, check in ladies, nurse, ob & phlebotomist all ask me
all followed by "what are there names"
"name. I just have one Kennedy."
So right off that bat I wished Brandon had been there, as did he.
We started the ultrasound 
still no pole.
no heartbeat.
& was measuring 5w6d
just a day over what the the last US exactly a week ago was measured.
but where was a yok sac
Dr came to the conclusion that either 
a) baby stopped growing
b) baby is just a slow grower?
he took my levels again & said I would only hear back from him if something was  alarming..
& I haven't so this is GREAT news.
Also, if you didn't read before I have had NIGHTMARE OB's & really love this guy! Hopefully this is it! Cause he seemed wonderful!
Things are still really up in the air
I have been bleeding now for over 5 days
I am now nauseous....really nauseous {which is wonderful in the growth aspect}
on top of that completely weak, & the cramps are unreal
today I didnt get off the couch once, luckily both of my sessions today cancelled!
I told the Dr about my first pregnancy & with Kennedy how bad it gets 
& how i was actually on my death bed with my 1st from hyperemesis 
& close with Kennedy
I just hope it is nothing like that this time
I will not be able to care for kennedy properly & that scares me

I am trying to keep positive, tho! I have been thinking about if its another girl; how kennedy & she will be like twins! Or if its a boy how perfect that will be! 
Purchasing "big sister" shirts which by the way dont come in Kennedys size! are they trying to tell me something? haha they start at 2T! All the ones her size say "little sister"

& then all of a sudden for 2 nights straight a few days ago I have waken up in a complete panic.
Will kennedy be mad at me?
will she resent me?
can I do this?
2 babies under 2!!
how can I possibly love another baby as much Kennedy?
Obviously this is the one thing in the world I have wanted for almost a year now
but it just would hit me, & I would think of Kennedy & just sob.
I have been reassured that this is completely normal
& even had one of my amazing friends tell me "if anyone can do it, you can"
which made me cry 
yeah, yall thought I did alot of that before; ya aint seen nothin yet ;)

Anyway this post is getting longer then I wanted it to be, but I wanted to update yall & let you know we are alive :)
I will leave you with our little bean sac