I am doing a second installment of "what not to say" after the huge hit my "what not to say to a new mom/first time mom" I really felt like I had to post one of what not to say to some one TTC {trying to conceive
} just to avoid anything in the near future.
I google'd it, & got some of the exact stuff I have already have experience either before Kennedy, after I found out I may not be able to carry, & just yesterday after my post.
I will say I know all that has been said I know was not done in malice or ill-willed. But, if you really don't know what to say the best thing to say is "I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's difficult, and I hope things work out for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do."
On to the list, in no particular order.
{1.} you need to relax!
The fact that rape victims can get pregnant puts this one to rest pretty quickly. I can't think of too many situations that are more stressful than that.
Of course, I was experiencing anxiety over this, but telling me that I need to relax sounds like you're blaming me. Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body's systems, so please treat it that way. & mine is unexplained at that. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that she'll get well if she will "relax", would you?
When TTC Kennedy, I wasn't ovulating; that has nothing to do with relaxing!
Also, although I have a problem getting pregnant, my biggest problem is I can't stay pregnant.
{2.} This applies to right now.. You already have one, be thankful
I have & will never ever lose sight of what a miracle Kennedy is, but that doesn't take away from the hurt that we may not be able to have another & that we have a strong desire to have another.
{3} You want kids? Please, take mine! {or you don't want more than one anyway}
I get it raising kids is hard. I already knew this. & no I don't want yours, I want my own; hence the ongoing trying & charting & OPKs ect ect.
or when I am with a friend with her kids & they act up "you WANT this?"
{4} Oh your still young, it'll happen.
I'm not that young and how do you know it'll happen? Can you guarantee me ovulating this month? can you guarantee I will carry this one to term?
{5.} I wish I had that problem!
So you're...what? Hyperfertile? There are things you can take for that, you know. Now please go away before your water breaks on my carpet.
{6.} There are too many people in the world anyway.
Thank you for that, if I do get pregnant I will make sure to kill myself right away to even things out.
{7.} If it's meant to be it will happen.
While, I say this. It instantly hurts when someone else does, cause its like saying I wasn't meant to the have another child, while I have a strong feeling in my heart I was meant to be a mom..of more than one child.
{8.} There is probably a reason for it.
What my baby is going to be the next hilter?
{9.} Do you really want to be pregnant, it sucks {go thru another rough pregnancy}
My dr actually had the nerve to say that to me.
All I can about this is, with every complication besides pre-term labor I loved going thru, that is why I think being pregnant after a struggle is so different {my blogger friend Holy, put it into term perfectly HERE} morning sickness in my mind = im STILL pregnant, & my baby is growing! The heartburn,back pain, uncomfortable-ness, weight gain I LOVED; & would do again in a heart beat. {10.} "I know what you mean, with our first one it took 2 months to get pregnant."
*sigh*
even if we get pregnant right away since my dr SAYS my fertility should be tip-top after bug, I still sigh at the fact how long it took us to get Kennedy.
Like I said above if your not sure what to say, I honest think the best thing to say {to me} is really just "man, this just plain sucks"
I hope this post will help not only those who have heard these things, but those who are trying to support loved ones going through this.
